You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
