I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
