just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
