my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i've created a new STD.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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