Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
