return my video game
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize