He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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