for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
