we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
