Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
