I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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