You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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