I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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