just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
