I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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