3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
