I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
