His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
