I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
