Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
