I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
