you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
