do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
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Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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