Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
