he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
