can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
