he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
