You work out of a Hotel?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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