She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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