There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
