She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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