So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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