I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
