he was CRYING into my vagina
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
