Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i came on her dog
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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