i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
