do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
