In America we eat man semen.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
