Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
