Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
