HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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