I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize