I've blown a few things in my day
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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