I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
