so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
