i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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