I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
