kristin has been a bad kristin
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
