you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
