So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
