Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
