Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
