he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize