Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
