i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
