Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
