never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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