i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
