She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
