When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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