if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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