I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
