I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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