I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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