that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
