Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
