exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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