I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
