I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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