oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
