okay pat passed out under dana's car
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
