the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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