If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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