she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
