I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
