I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
